


Thoughts

by Jojos_bizarre_dong



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sad, brief mention of the task force, i'm in hell and suffering kill me, this is my first fanfic i'm basically a child be gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8251528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojos_bizarre_dong/pseuds/Jojos_bizarre_dong
Summary: basically L is sad because he loves Light





	

     L never had a need for love. Why would he? In his opinion, all love did for him was get in the way, and this opinion only strengthened when he met Light Yagami. When he first saw Light, L’s thoughts were something along the lines of damn, _he's cute._ and _he's handsome_. L never let these thoughts hinder his work, however. He had thoughts like these before and with different people, he was only human after all. But, what really startled him were his second thoughts. When he first heard his voice, he felt his heart melt at the melodic tone and he thought something like _I’d love to hear his voice calling my name._

“that's new…” he mumbled, audible to nobody but himself. he rubbed at his eyes as he tried to forget about it. he continued with the test he was supposed to be taking and refrained from staring at light, as he didn't want to raise suspicion.

     The third thought didn't come until much later, around two years to be exact. things were going well, the investigation was speeding along, and Light’s likelihood of being Kira was now low. It was great for Light to not be suspected, but if he wasn't Kira, L would have to admit he was wrong in front of the whole task force, something he wouldn't willingly do. For about a year, Light and L had been handcuffed together. L hypothesized that it wouldn't last more than a week and that he’d have to find another solution, but it worked all too well. They got along great for the most part, fighting every once and a while, but who didn't? Being handcuffed together brought many complications, such as showering, sleeping, getting dressed, but they had grown quite comfortable with each other. they no longer had to unlock the handcuffs to shower, one simply stood outside the shower and waited for the other to finish. They also slept in the same bed and got dressed together. Light never complained about the handcuffs anymore, and one might think he was doing this willingly at first glance. Matsuda even thought they were dating at one point, but for one reason or another, L didn't really mind the accusation.

      The thought had come later in the night, while L was attempting to sleep. he rarely did for reasons he swore he would never tell anyone, but somehow Light had talked him into it. When he told Light he had horrific night terrors, he was surprised, but he told L he would be fine and that he would keep him safe all the while giving him a half-hug and a reassuring smile. From that day on, Light had insisted that he go to bed every night, and that sleeping with someone would help with the nightmares. L complied, not complaining of course. although he didn't sleep much, it definitely helped. During another usual night after Light had dragged him to bed and had fallen asleep, L caught himself thinking about his eyes. Light’s eyes were a stunning brown color and looked a beautiful shade of red in the light. His hair being almost the same color, L also found it breathtakingly beautiful. as he stared at the face he seemed to like so much, a thought ran through his mind.

_i love him._

_i **really** love him._

      L sighed and closed his eyes, and he swore he could feel tears prick at the corners. how could this have happened? He couldn't fall for his prime suspect, he knew he would grow attached and wouldn't be able to do anything about it, he wouldn't be able to execute him if he really was Kira. Tears began to drop from his eyes onto the bedsheets. _I let it happen again. I’m a failure._ he sniffed and attempted to wipe the tears from his face, but they just kept coming. _It's like B.B. all over again. I’ve failed myself. I’ve failed you, Light._ L could have hid in the bathroom and left the cuffs unlocked or something, but he was already crying so much he was hiccuping, so what was the point? L figured that if he left Light would figure it out sooner or later, so might as well just stay in the comfort of his bed. L felt as if he was finally calming down when Light felt something wet fall on his cheek. he quietly opened his eyes only to stare in shock at the usually composed man in front of him, crying.

      He said no words, but wiped some of the tears from the detective’s face and pushed his bangs out of the way. his hair was surprisingly soft, especially for someone who barely brushed it. L opened his eyes wide to the touch of Light’s fingers on his face, slowly wiping away a tear. when he looked at the other, he saw a look not of anger, annoyance, or anything else, but rather of sadness and concern. L sat up and wiped his face with his sleeve. “L-Light, I’m sor-” he tried to say but was cut off by a hug from the younger man. L froze, not knowing what to do, before he finally gave in and eased into the hug. L hugged Light as tightly as he could, as if he were to disappear if L let go. Light felt tears falling on his shoulder, but he didn't mind. He began rubbing gentle circles into L’s back while whispering things like “It’s okay” and “I’m here” Eventually, the tears stopped and L felt much less tense. Light realized that L had fallen asleep, and the only thing he could do was sleep with him.

      Light slowly laid him down, careful not to wake him up, and laid down next to him, gently wrapping his arms around L’s waist. Light let out a sigh and smiled at how unusually peaceful L was. He always knew this, but today especially, Light thought that L was really beautiful. He had a young looking face and despite being around 25, he looked 18. L somehow managed to pull off those bags he had under his eyes perfectly and his deep black eyes were stunning. Light blushed and closed his eyes, trying not to think about L too much. He knew for a while now that he was in love with L, but he could never tell how L felt about him. L usually hid his emotions, claiming that they only got in the way of his work and that he rendered them useless. Light hugged L closer as he tried to dismiss his thoughts, as he knew the feelings probably weren’t reciprocated. He didn’t really know if he was going to tell L about his feelings or keep it hidden, because he couldn’t rule out the better situation out of the two. He yawned and decided to think about it in the morning rather than now, and maybe if he rested on it he would have a more clear answer in the morning.

      When L awoke, he found that Light was hugged tightly against his chest. L blushed a bit and brushed the other’s hair out of his face. _He really is beautiful… wait, no. I can’t do this to him. I can’t love him like this, it’ll only end up bad for the both of us._ L sighed as he tried to look away but he couldn’t help but think, _what if Light felt the same way? What if I’m just too oblivious to notice? What if…_ the list went on and on for what seemed like ages, until L was brought back into reality by the shuffling noises of pillows moving and the warm arms around his chest slowly loosening. L looked at Light to see him open up his eyes and yawn out a “Good morning, Ryuzaki…” L felt his heart skip a beat, he felt a tightening in his chest and he knew he had to say something or it would all just build up inside him. L managed to squeak out a “Good Morning” that didn’t sound half bad. Light started to get up to get ready for the day when he turned around and said “Ryuzaki… would you mind telling me what happened last night?”

_Shit._ L had been hoping that would be the last thing Light would have said. He couldn’t just tell him, what if he said no? What if he wasn’t even gay? He couldn’t do it, he just swallowed and said “No. I’m sorry.” L could clearly tell that Light was disappointed, but he didn’t push the issue any more than he already had. “It’s fine, Ryuzaki. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.” L watched Light start to walk away when he said “Wait…” Light turned back around and said “Hey, if you don’t wanna tell me, it’s fine. I imagine it’d be hard to talk about stuff like night terrors.” “No, wait…” L whispered out, barely audible to Light. “I want to tell you. And it wasn’t a night terror either.” Light sighed and sat back down, placing a comforting hand on L’s shoulder and giving him a small smile. “Alright, spill. I’ll listen.” He was shaking now. He kept asking himself _why am i nervous? Why should it matter? If he doesn’t feel the same, I can just move on. So why am i scared?_

      Despite all of this, he took a deep breath and shakily said “I… I don’t know how to put it into words so.... I…” He leaned forward. His mind was screaming _what are you doing? Just tell him! This won’t turn out well!_ But it was too late now. He gently cupped Light’s soft face in his hands and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It felt so nice to do that, but it didn’t last long enough in L’s opinion. He pulled away to meet Light’s surprised and blank stare and saw his face redden. “I… I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love with you, Light.” He tried to say as confidently as he could, but it still came out sounding weak and scared “B-but… I can’t love you. I tried to never show emotion for a reason. I let a huge case slip out of my hands and countless innocent people lost their lives because I couldn’t handle it. I can’t let that happen again.” He felt tears filling his eyes again and he clenched his fists. Why am I so weak? I don’t deserve a person like Light anyways. “Ryuzaki…” Light said, almost a whisper, “You don’t have to worry. Loving me won’t cause any trouble. I’m sure you don’t believe me, but… I’m not Kira, and I can say that with certainty.” He took a shaky breath, and continued. “That being said… I… I l-love you too, Ryuzaki.” L froze. Could Light really love someone like me? Or was this a lie made up by Kira to gain my trust? No… He looked up at Light and saw eyes that only told the truth. Light was not Kira, and Light truly loved him. Light swallowed and and leaned forward, closing his eyes a bit. “Wait…” L whispered as Light looked at him questioningly. “I don’t know any other moves, I’m embarrassed to admit.” Light let out a small laugh and said “That’s okay, Ryuzaki. I can teach you.” He said, leaning back in and closing his eyes. L leaned in this time and shared a kiss with him. It felt really nice, and neither wanted it to end. But, after what only seemed like seconds, they had to pull away. They were both blushing and panting a bit, and Light asked “So… are we, uhm, dating now?” L let himself smile a bit and said “I suppose so. If that’s what you want, that is.” Light smiled back and replied with “Yeah, that would be great.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfiction so i'm basically a toddler but i hope it wasn't completely terrible


End file.
